Brits in America - Episode 1: Baron John of the Devine

With the Urban Execs now on my shit list...and far too much free time with my unexpected eight week vacation, my mind began to wonder ...which is never a good thing.

A little background: Calvin and John are both Brits. They apparently worked with each other at another company previous to their teaming up at Urban. Calvin is the big man in Information Technology. He hired on John about six months ago to run most of the department for him and to oversee a few big projects. The problem is of course...well actually you can read my previous posts to become pretty clear on what the problem is. So let's begin.

Brits in America - Episode 1: Baron John of the Devine

"Ahh! Right-O, this chap has a smart suite! Let's make him...err...Commander of the Queen's Army! Jolly Good! He's a Baron you know...that and a silken suite and all that! Bloody Colonists don't stand a chance. Might as well jump off the great rock, ruddy American rebel rousers!" Calvin is surprised as someone nearly falls into his office attempting to knock on the empty opening in the wall where there should be a door. "Merlin's beard! " He nearly drops the resume and attached photos he'd been perusing. "What the bloody hell are you on about then Jeeves!!?"

The man who has just fallen through the doorway stands, adjusting his "smart suite". He sticks out a hand, "John, my good sir."

"John!?" Calvin takes a quick look around the room, then glares back at the intruder. "Ill have you know this is NOT the john! This is my office my good man! The john is three open doorways down on the right...just past the filing department...yes yes...those stacks of boxes by the water fountain! And Ill have you know, we refer to it as the Loo here...not the...the John!"

"On no no! Begging you're pardon governor! My name...my name is John...John Devine!"

Calvin is still distracted by the vague resemblance this man has to someone he'd just seen recently, "Devine John!? Well I should think it'd be as clean as it is...and rightly so! And as I said, we call it the LOO!"

"No no no! We seem to be having a communication problem! My NAME is John Devine."

"A communication what!? I dare say you're out of line Sir! We'll have none of that talk here!"

"Right you are! I do apologize my good man! I believe these sodding Americans may have made me a bit daft!"

The pair have a good laugh after which the intruder smiles revealing excellent British dental work that even the Queen would be proud of...reminding Calvin where he had recently seen the intruder...he looks down at the resume photos still in his hand. "Jolly good! Devine! Why didn't you say so! You're hired!"

Just then there is a loud explosion and flames burst from a nearby server cabinet engulfing half the surrounding office space in a matter of seconds. The 20 or so good looking young American interns crammed into the space run screaming from the area...each shouting a warning to exit as they pass Calvin and John secluded in Calvin's hole in the wall.

"By the Queen! What are they on about!?"

John sits quietly unaware. "On about?" He turns, "Oh I dare say this bunch is a tad tight in the knickers aren't they."

"Yes. Yes. I do hope you'll be able to remedy that problem my good Sir."

"All in good time...all in good time."

"Right then, how about a spot of tea?"

Pinkies extended, they enjoy a Queens cup as the ceiling behind them collapses and flames engulf the Urban Outfitters banner hung over the upturned trash can the interns had been using as a break area.

Golden Child Gets the Job

“You SUCK!!!! Only you could quit one job and have another one lined up the next week.” That’s how Sonya responded when I eMailed her and Ryan about my job interview today.

Looks like I have the job. I won’t know for certain for about two weeks, however, I was all but told it is mine. Then again, with my apparent loss of intuition where jobs are concerned lately…anything is possible.

The position is with USCA, University of South Carolina at Aiken. It’s only about 15 minutes away. They have a very casual, blue jeans environment. Good hours. Decent pay and benefits. They allow one free class each semester and work with your schedule if you want to take additional classes during the day. They have a very well funded and supported IT department. All in all, it is exactly what I’ve been looking for. So I’ve asked that I receive the job if it’s right for me. I plan to do visualization and spellwork this weekend too…just in case.

Sonya’s response made me take another look at how these cycles seem to occur with me. Now that she mentions it…I guess it is a little odd how this sort of thing always happens. To be honest, I never really gave it a second thought before then. In fact, I just assume that sort of thing will happen…which is possibly why it always seems to happen? Could be.

Except for the major fall I took when WorldCom went bankrupt, I have never had the slightest problem where work is concerned. Each and every job I’ve ever interviewed for…and wanted…I have gotten. Any time I leave one position I find another as soon as I set my mind to do so. Finding work, like most things in my life, have always come to me with little more than the conscious decision that I want them.

This new job with USCA in fact is a perfect example. I actually applied for the position back about four months ago before I started with Urban. I had not heard a single word from them since I applied online. Then, Friday before last, I make the decision to quit Urban. The following Monday, just three days later, I came home to an eMail from the IT manager asking if I was still interested in the job.

His eMail basically said that he had somehow missed my application the first time through. Then he just happened to come across it the same day I decided to quit Urban.

Funny…but that’s just how things seem to work for me. I’m barely even aware of it these days unless someone points it out as Sonya did. Back in the day I used to refer to myself as “The Golden Child”. I wasn’t really being serious, but I’d always found it odd how easily I seemed to cruise through life.

My only concern is that I don’t want to seem cocky. Of course, the very fact that I am cocky…and naturally expect good things to happen…could be a direct cause of those good things happening. Hmmm…too deep for me today. I’ll have to give that one some thought later.

Serenity

Awesome movie! Not that I had any doubt Joss Whedon would do any less. That man is an genius!

From beginning to end, full of the unexpected humor, plot twists, characterization and action we’ve all come to expect from Joss. He’s got a winner! Take that you short-sighted bastard television corp execs! HA! Naaanananananaaaaa!

Be sure you’ve watched the Firefly series before you take in the movie though! See it on DVD the way it was meant to be seen ! You’ll be happy you did.

Grrr! Arg!

"He said You Think You're Better Than Me!"

Well Urban is now over, but everyone keeps begging me to find out what happened. So here’s the story as recently told in eMail to a former co-worker at Urban:

Well I had already had my fill of Bryan and his anti-Southern overtly racial bullshit. I mean I may not like the south, but that’s because I know it could be so much more…not because I think everyone here is the scum of the earth.

I had also had about all I was going to take of the corporate in-fighting and absolute lack of communications. Actually…the complete inability to communicate…and very little interest in doing so.

That set the stage for my trip to Philly.

I got up there and of course everything is happy happy perfect. I’m told everything I want to hear and a little more. I’m given assurances that everything is now resolved. I’m also told that I have John’s full backing and support.

What I’m not told is “You’re hired.” John had told me for the past three months that he wanted to get me up there so they could hire me. I left with only the further assurance that an offer was being put together. So needless to say, I left pretty much pissed off. I had waited three months just so I could go up there and have someone look at me and THEN say, “Oh yeah…we should hire you.” The job I’d been doing wasn’t enough. The amount of shit I’d put up with for those three months wasn’t enough. The fact that I’d already been doing the job without fail for three months straight wasn’t enough to get me the job. What was required to get the job was whether or not they liked me enough after drinking beer with me. That in my book is absolute bullshit. Of course it didn’t matter because I still left with only a promise. A promise from someone who had yet to keep a single promise that had been made.

So I came back. I was trying to put the best face on it. I figured I would actually be hired, it was just anyone’s guess when. I also felt a little better about the position since I had actually heard John say the words, “You have my full support.” I hadn’t been able to get anything like that out of him until then.

Then I went to work on Friday. Immediately received shit from Bryan…which I immediately returned to him. Then he went running to John and twisted something I had said into a complete line of BS. John then…giving me his full support…immediately called me up and jumped my shit.

Not only did he jump my ass based off the pathetic BS Bryan had spouted out…he did so without even letting me say a word in my defense. Told me he didn’t want someone like me on his team. That he didn’t need people with my attitude working for him. Continually berated me and tried to tear me down. I assume he was trying to put me in my place…which he finished off by saying I needed to watch my mouth because whether what Bryan had said was true or not…he didn’t have time to deal with it. Basically told me to walk on egg shells around Bryan and not do anything to annoy him. Tried to break my ass down and put me in my place!?? HA! Dude I was in the U.S. military for 7 years. No pale ass Brit has a chance in hell of ever BREAKING me. Just not gonna happen.

So I came home and told Ashley what happened. In typical Ashley style, she told me that she wanted me to quit and tell John to kiss my ass because we don’t take BS from anyone. So I was only doing as I was told when I sent him my resignation letter late Friday night.

I spoke with him on Saturday. You know what his excuse was…and he was full of lame ass excuses for everything I tossed his way. But you know what his excuse for jumping me on Friday was? “I was having a bad day.” Ummm…and?? Is that supposed to mean something to me? Should I care? Are you not a manager? In my book I should never know what sort of day my manager is having because it should not be conveyed to his subordinates. In my book a manager has more tact and objectivity than to let his personal problems cause him to loose an employee.

But the best part is…you know what Bryan told him I said? You know what pissed him off so bad that he felt the need to call and jump my shit after all the BS I’ve put up with from him? You know what he actually had the nerve to call me and say? “Bryan said you said you think you’re better than us.” LOL I shit you not! As the words came through the receiver…I’m pretty sure I heard the end of recess bell on the other end of the line.

I will NOT work for a company whose ethics and business sense could be bested by any bully on the middle school playground. And I’m pretty damned sure that no where in my job description does it say “Punching Bag for those Really Stressful Days”.

So that’s that. End of story.

Urban Outfitters Final Week

The final week with Urban went by fairly smoothly.

John is apparently pretty good at keeping something quiet when it doesn’t make him look good. It was Wednesday before anyone at the local site seemed to know anything about me leaving.

I wasn’t going to tell anyone it was my last week except Sonya, the lady I work with in IT. All those good-byes and other niceties…most of which are a bunch of polite crap…I can do without. There were a few exceptions though. A few people I will miss working with and might actually miss having me around. I realized over the last couple of days there are a few people there I wish I’d taken the time to get to know better.

All in all though, this week has been the slowest, most boring week since I arrived. We’ve literally had entire days without a single phone call or eMail. It’s unreal. This should be an extremely busy week with the two major system roll-outs. Instead I find myself sitting in my cube counting the minutes until I can leave. I hate sitting around doing nothing.

One bit of excitement was on Wednesday. I was in the middle of showing Sonya some things with one of our systems which she’ll be maintaining now. Right in the middle of it my access stops working. I try to log into a couple of other servers and get Permission Errors.

Somebody up at corporate apparently decided I no longer needed to be able to do my job. This ticked me off a little considering I was asked to work this week and would much rather be off doing other things. There is a movie I want to see for instance. I could be doing that. Instead I’m sitting there doing nothing.

I left John, my boss in Philly a message. Simply told him that if he no longer wanted me working, he only need say so. Told him about the access issue. Explained that I had a movie I’d rather go see, so just let me know if they were done with me. He called back all freaked out and going on about how he “didn’t do this.” “No one should have done this.” And explained that he was going to get it taken care of immediately. That was at about 1PM.

Around 4:30PM I had my access back and a message pleading with me not to leave yet.

So I stayed a couple more days.

It’s now Friday. I’m done. It’s over. Once again I am without an official, “legitimate” source of income. Oh well…time to go see that movie.

Think you’re having a good day? Sleep on it ;)

I came back from a trip to Philly on Thursday. I was all excited and happy.

Friday on the way into work I was looking at houses for sale as I drove down the road. I’d be able to afford one for Ashley and I…actually pay cash for one…in about five years with this new job. I have to admit I was feeling pretty good…maybe even proud. That was Friday morning.

Friday night I drove home believing I was going to be fired and having already decided I was going to quit regardless.

Funny how that happens.

Trip went great!

Trip went great! Had a good time! Looks like I got the job…actually looks like they want to make me Site Manager, not just IT Geek. Whoohoo! It’s about time!

Met everyone up in Philly. It really helped to meet everyone face-to-face. I’ve been working with these people remotely without every really meeting them for three months. I think meeting like this should help end some of the communication problems we’ve been having.

Though it rained a little on my last day, I was able to get in some site seeing. Philly has more things to see and do than any place I’ve been in a long time. Can’t wait to get back up there and do some real site seeing…the kind not done from the seat of a tour bus.

The tour bus took me around, or at least past, all of the main attractions. I didn’t get to actually go to anything though.

I did do a little shopping. Went to the Hard Rock Café and got Ashley a t-shirt and myself a shot glass…Hard Rock shot glasses are the one and only thing I’ve ever collected. Also got to spend a few hours down on South Street looking around and window shopping. Found only a couple of New Age shops though. I’d thought this area was full of those sorts of things. In any case, I found a cool place and got Ashley a few more things.

Only down side to the trip…I seem to have brought city germs back with me. I’m feeling like ass.

Leaving for Philly in the Morning

Leaving for Philly in the morning. I’m supposed to find out on this trip whether or not I can finally move from temp to actual employee. I’ve been waiting nearly three months for this, plus I’ve always wanted to go to Philly, so I’m looking forward to the trip.

The job is with Urban Outfitters. I’ve been temping there since shortly after my last contract ended with Maytag. Those of you who know me know the BS that we’ve been putting up with on this job. It’s been never ending, but seems to have started sorting itself out here recently. I sure hope so. If this one doesn’t work out…I’m done with IT…at least corporate wise.

I’m off…have to get up early for the trip. Wish me luck!

Dear Mr. Postman - Can You Get Your Head Out of Your Ass?

Here's a little letter I wrote up for our local Poastmaster. It's self-explanitory. I liked it. I thought it made my point very well. However, Ashley being the kind hearted person that she is.ouldnt allow me to mail it off. But you tell mewas it really that bad? I mean considering!?

Dear Postmaster,

We have been, and continue to receive several pieces of mail every few days which does not belong to us. On several occasions we have marked each piece of mail with a note that the addressee is not at our box. We then place it into the misdirected mail slot. However, in most cases, that very same piece of mail is returned right back to our box the very next day.

I cannot for the life of me understand how this could continue to happen again and again. In fact, it makes little sense.

Just a little over a year ago, I added my fiance' to my box so that she could receive mail at the same address as myself. Her mail was held however, and not delivered. When I inquired about the held mail, I was told that the mail could not be delivered because I had not shown her picture ID when adding her to the box. To be honest, I found this a little odd, but thought it must have been due to increased security measures.

With that in mind, you can understand our extreme frustration at time and again receiving mail for people who should not be receiving mail at our box. Not only are we getting mail for people who are in no way related to us, do not have similar names as us, are most definitely NOT listed on our signature card, but also for several different businesses that we have absolutely no connection with.

It's bad enough having to wade through the pounds of wasted trees called advertising circulars every day, along with five or six new credit card offers a week. To also have to sort through our mail everyday to find those pieces which do not belong to us, then mark them and return them to the post office so that they can hopefully make it to whoever they belong to, only to have them returned right back to us againits completely unacceptable.

We have a few months still left on our current box rent term, but we will likely not be renewing. I would much rather pay five or six times as much for actual professional service with a box at MBE, than to continue dealing with the rampant incompetence which has apparently engulfed the Langley, SC post office in the last few months.

I would ask however, that until such time as our mail stops being delivered to your post office, you ensure that only mail actually addressed to us be placed in our box. Please use the following names to fill this request.

If the addressee does not have a last name of Spires or New, DO NOT PLACE IT IN OUR BOX.

Dreams - The Snake Dancers

In house (unknown) with people (unknown).

“Lady” gets call on cell. She is told, “They are coming in, so she might was well let them in, otherwise they will just break in. She lets them in.

Group of painted up people come dancing and parading through the door. They go right past us through a door to the basement.

In the basement, they dance around a circle. One of them goes to the middle. He is on a stake. They toss something on him and he burst into flames. His belly appears to be melting, or swelling. Pregnant?

We are all suddenly back upstairs in the original room.

Can’t remember what happens for a short time.

Eventually the intruders all parade back out the door to the outside. We are all relieved they have left.

I go to the door and lock it, but something strikes my hand through the door. Suddenly the line of people flash back and forth between their human forms and a single huge horned serpent colored as they had been painted.

I wake up. Scared. Still feel a pain in my hand as if I had been bit or stung by something. I think something must have bit me while I was asleep but look at my hand and find no marks.

I realize I’m not totally awake. I’m still seeing the images of the intruders flashed between human and serpent form. I’m told…hear…sense…that I’ve been “marked” by “the beast”. I was apparently marked because I tried to lock the door.

I began visualizing white, bright, positive thought forms, in the hope of driving the intruders from my mind. As I do, the symbolic images of the intruders in both their human and serpent forms began to change to a new set of white symbols. They continue to fight me. The images in my mind…in front of my sleeping eyes…alternate back and forth between the white symbols and those of the original human/serpent intruders. This continues until I finally wake up.

As a wake I hear a noise on the other side of the room. It sounds like someone is near the bedroom door. I look but see nothing. Still I feel it there. Then I realize that the sound I heard was Ashley making a grunting sound in her sleep…apparently dreaming.

Still scared, I fall back to sleep.