Brits in America - Episode 1: Baron John of the Devine

NOTE: This was originally posted about a year ago...but it's worth a repeat. (Umm...I no longer work at Urban. lol)

With the Urban Execs now on my shit list...and far too much free time with my unexpected eight week vacation, my mind began to wonder ...which is never a good thing.

A little background: Calvin and John are both Brits. They apparently worked with each other at another company previous to their teaming up at Urban. Calvin is the big man in Information Technology. He hired on John about six months ago to run most of the department for him and to oversee a few big projects. The problem is of course...well actually you can read my previous posts to become pretty clear on what the problem is. So let's begin.

Brits in America - Episode 1: Baron John of the Devine

"Ahh! Right-O, this chap has a smart suite! Let's make him...err...Commander of the Queen's Army! Jolly Good! He's a Baron you know...that and a silken suite and all that! Bloody Colonists don't stand a chance. Might as well jump off the great rock, ruddy American rebel rousers!" Calvin is surprised as someone nearly falls into his office attempting to knock on the empty opening in the wall where there should be a door. "Merlin's beard! " He nearly drops the resume and attached photos he'd been perusing. "What the bloody hell are you on about then Jeeves!!?"

The man who has just fallen through the doorway stands, adjusting his "smart suite". He sticks out a hand, "John, my good sir."

"John!?" Calvin takes a quick look around the room, then glares back at the intruder. "Ill have you know this is NOT the john! This is my office my good man! The john is three open doorways down on the right...just past the filing department...yes yes...those stacks of boxes by the water fountain! And Ill have you know, we refer to it as the Loo here...not the...the John!"

"On no no! Begging you're pardon governor! My name...my name is John...John Devine!"

Calvin is still distracted by the vague resemblance this man has to someone he'd just seen recently, "Devine John!? Well I should think it'd be as clean as it is...and rightly so! And as I said, we call it the LOO!"

"No no no! We seem to be having a communication problem! My NAME is John Devine."

"A communication what!? I dare say you're out of line Sir! We'll have none of that talk here!"

"Right you are! I do apologize my good man! I believe these sodding Americans may have made me a bit daft!"

The pair have a good laugh after which the intruder smiles revealing excellent British dental work that even the Queen would be proud of...reminding Calvin where he had recently seen the intruder...he looks down at the resume photos still in his hand. "Jolly good! Devine! Why didn't you say so! You're hired!"

Just then there is a loud explosion and flames burst from a nearby server cabinet engulfing half the surrounding office space in a matter of seconds. The 20 or so good looking young American interns crammed into the space run screaming from the area...each shouting a warning to exit as they pass Calvin and John secluded in Calvin's hole in the wall.

"By the Queen! What are they on about!?"

John sits quietly unaware. "On about?" He turns, "Oh I dare say this bunch is a tad tight in the knickers aren't they."

"Yes. Yes. I do hope you'll be able to remedy that problem my good Sir."

"All in good time...all in good time."

"Right then, how about a spot of tea?"

Pinkies extended, they enjoy a Queens cup as the ceiling behind them collapses and flames engulf the Urban Outfitters banner hung over the upturned trash can the interns had been using as a break area.

Alien babies hurling bibles at the heads of the thinker

By now you know what I think of civilization as a whole. It's "all simple monkeys with alien babies". Alien babies hurling bibles at the heads of the thinker.

Civilization hasn't a chance in hell of surviving so long as it continues to deny the obvious. The universe is a dark, dirty, dangerous place. A place of chaos and disorder among the perfect order of the unknowable source.

Past civilizations understood and embraced this truth. For doing so, they survived far longer than our happy little moment has graced the pages of history. Those past survived until apathy over-shadowed the truth they had so long held...very much the place we find ourselves today. Their ultimate demise is ever the more bitter knowing that the purest of light can always be found edging the shadows and darkness.

We stand at the edge of the growing darkness with still the destiny to choose a step into eternal light.

Where those past have failed, we can prevail...but only by the realization that we don't belong, will we take our rightful place as the children of the Sophia. Only with the release of the material will we attain true spark and banish the creator (of chaos).

presidential hand puppets saluting abomination

in the end...
presidential hand puppets saluting abomination
storm troopers devouring religious doughnuts
adolescent veil revealing elemental abyss
obsidian sands extinguishing emerald time
...before the beginning


translucent eyes devour truth,
while obsidian tears rip reality's veil.
death reborn an abomination of light,
leads the thinker beyond the known.
sparks of tomorrow erase today,
fading color from the knower's eyes...a tear.

Ashley's Birthday 2006

Ashley and I had planned her birthday as the first get-together at the new house. Naturally, things did not go well. :)

Aside from my Step-Dad, none of my family made it because they had all come down with something. Then Publix decided to lose her cake order.

Had it not been for the Store Manager and Customer Service Manager doning aprons, gloves and hair-nets...I wouldn't have had a cake for her at all. Luckily, after my pleads of, "But all I had to do was get a cake...it was my only job...if I go home without it I'm gonna get an awful beat'in!" they were able to get a cake together. ;) At least that's what they called it. FREE makes everything taste better though. ;) Course...that didn't help the way it looked. LOL

We still had a good time finally having some company over to see the house though. And Ashley was sweet as usual and took it all in stride.

It's not that I don't like dogs...

Does every U.S. home need at least one dog to be considered livable by its human occupants? It would seem so. By that logic, it would also seem that the average U.S. home is more livable today than any time in its history. We currently own more than 73 millions dogs. Those are the owned dogs, not the droves of unclaimed creatures roaming the streets in packs across understaffed municipal and rural areas nationwide.

It's not that I don't like dogs. I actually do like dogs, but I like trained pets.

The problem is that the vast majority of dogs, at least in the area where I live, not only go untrained, but unsupervised. These are animals, and for animals to be integrated with such depth as they apparently are being into our society, they most be properly trained and managed. An animal cannot be blamed for doing what is in it's nature. The human responsible for that animal on the other hand, is, and should be held, fully responsible.

A dog left untrained and unattended, even in a fenced yard, is a nuisance. If it manages to get out of its enclosure it poses a serious bite risk which grows with each successful escape. Even if it is properly contained, it is going to be disruptive. An untrained dog is a noisy dog. They bark. It's what they do. Contrary to the apparent popular perceptions in America today, dog barking is not music or even entertaining...unless they're singing Christmas carols.

While every individual has the right to own a dog. Every individual also has the right to be able to enjoy the outdoors, or indoors for that matter, free of barking dogs.

I actually read an opinion piece in the local paper a week or so ago, about the subject of animal control. It was directed at another article from earlier in the week...which I missed...but which apparently had stated that stronger animal control efforts were needed. The author of the op-ed piece, basically stated, that the person who wrote the original article was obviously a fascist and a nazi. They went on to explain how rounding up animals declared dangerous by the state and euthanizing them, was no different than Nazi's rounding up Jews and sending them to the gas chamber.

Ummm...yeah...I wonder what the last name of the anonymous writer of that op-ed piece is? Schmidt? Krüger? Zimmermann perhaps?

With opinions like that, it's no wonder the neighbors can't figure out why someone complains when that wonderful little "child" of theirs, which they love so much they have chained up in the back yard all day and night, barks and howls from 11pm until 4am...every night.

Euthanizing dogs the same as murdering millions of people? Idiot.