I know everything I know

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

I am that I am

I’ve been having dreams again. Well I always have dreams, but I’ve been having particular dreams again.

Lately, I am being accosted by all sorts of beings in my dreams. They are in fact really starting to annoy me with the crap. Obviously, they have something important to tell me, but I mean damn, do they REALLY have to beat me over the head with it. I’ve had to take to using “my words” on them again. Controlling them with “my words” seems to be about the only thing that will work. I’m pretty decent at lucid dreaming, but these “people” just don’t want to play along unless I make them.

Besides the aggressive nature of my would-be messengers is the fact they don’t seem to be able to come right out and say anything. Whatever messages they might have are totally wrapped up in a riddle of some sort.

So I sit each morning in front of my computer at work and try to decipher them…it’s not like I have anything else to do.

After much thought and deliberation, I have come to one clear conclusion.

They are trying to tell me to get my head out of my ass.

I want to be pagan. Hell I am pagan. I really always have been. I know it. The cosmos knows it. Apparently, many many beings know it. So why the heck am I fighting it!? Well, that I’m still unsure of. It’s likely a tinge of Christian programming which still makes me feel slightly guilty about the whole thing. But you know what…I am what I am. If what I am is pagan, then so be it. It’s not like the Christian god wants to talk to me anymore anyway. All we’ve ever done is argue. And hey…if he ever wants to make up…he knows where to find me. Right?

So from here on out, I am pagan. Hopefully it doesn’t put my grand-parents in the grave, but I refuse to continue to deny myself simple because others may not like it.

Chris: “Hello. Hi. My name is Chris and I’m a pagan.”
Chorus of the Cosmos: “Welcome Chris.”
Chris: “So umm…where are the refreshments? I was told there’d be refreshments.”

Sunday, November 20, 2005

My Job at the USCA Helpdesk

Me...happy but still half asleep.

About a week ago, I started my new job with the USCA Computer Services Helpdesk. I haven’t been very intuitive where my career is concerned lately, but I do have a good feeling about this job.

Within an hour or two I actually felt pretty comfortable with everyone I was working with and the position in general. That’s extremely unusual for me. I typically keep up a “polite front” for a couple of weeks. Although, now that I think about it…maybe I haven’t been doing that lately.

Amanda, Troy, Lamar and Tina

The Helpdesk has four full-time state employees, including myself, plus four part-time work-study students.

Amanda wakes up from nap. Lamar chit chatting.

The job has to this point been extremely easy. In fact, the only complaint I have is that we don’t really seem to DO anything. Even when we do something…it doesn’t amount to much. I could easily say that what all eight of us do together as a whole is probably only about a third of what I’m used to doing by myself. But I’m getting used to it. I can’t exactly complain too loudly about having too little to do…or at least I won’t anyway.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Our Halloween 2005

Die Pumkin! Die!Halloween has now come and gone.

We ended up not doing much at all to celebrate. We did carve a pumpkin, but we didn’t dress up.

We’ve been dressing up every year since we’ve been together too. It’s strange that the year we should have really been celebrating it, we ended up doing nothing. Of course that is mainly my fault…since I got all confused.

I’m just still having difficulty deciding if I want to practice any form of paganism or not. I know my mind wants me to, but my heart doesn’t seem to be in it. I seem to have lost my inspiration…hopefully I can find it again.

Our pumpkin did turn out pretty good though. So at least Ashley got to do that. She enjoys carving them. It’s one of the things she makes me do each year as she attempts to give us some “traditions” of some kind or other. She tries really hard at that, and I usually just fight her every step of the way…which I always feel guilty for after the fact.

So this year we carved a pumpkin. Then we bought two huge bags of candy. We sat up the candy in our little plastic candy bowl pumpkin by the door and then settled in to watch scary movies.

Are there any scary movies anymore? Well if there are…we didn’t find them. We also didn’t get any trick-or-treaters. That’s partly because of where we are located in town. It’s also partly…and a lotly…due to many children not being allowed to go around due to their Conservative Christian parents.

Apparently, they’ve had the realization in the last few years that Halloween will steal their child’s soul through candy addiction or something. So…in typical Christian fashion…they have decided to co-op it into some sort of anti-hell campaign night. But I digress…

So we didn’t dress up. Our movies were a flop. No trick-or-treaters showed up. I totally ruined that picture...but ain't baby nick a cutie!!We didn’t do a ritual. Nothing. It was a complete loss and all my fault really.

But then…

My sister and her baby-daddy stopped by to show off her son in his first Halloween costume. That made it all better.

Little Nick was dressed as a Georgia Bulldogs football player….his daddy is a fan. The poor Georgia boy is now having to live in The Valley…but that’s a whole other story. ;) Anyway, Little Nick was cute as always. Ashley can’t ever seem to get enough of him.